Friday, 4 May 2018

You can Keep your Shoppe

Well, Shoppe Keep is just turdy. In a strange piece of synchronicity, the sequel has just come out today, and I can tell you now that it's a game that I won't be buying (please remind me of that the next time it turns up in a bundle). It's incredibly user-unfriendly, and incredibly tedious. The 'tutorial' is so bad that I had to use a wiki to work out how to even begin. I forgot to say, this is a game that was published in the last couple of years, not in the '80s. You essentially have to build and run a weapons shop in a fantasy land, and this is very much about the management aspects of said shop. You have to plan your display area, buy stock, manage prices and stock levels, and so on. If that sounds tedious to you, then you think the same way as I do. In my first day (which seemed to take a long time), I made 6 gold pieces in profit. Now, I'm sure you probably do start slow and build your way up the ladder to greater things, but that's way slower that I'm happy to start. That's not even enough to buy a single extra item at the end of the day. That's just dull. And what do you do all day? Nothing. You stand there waiting for customers, and when someone buys something you order a replacement and, when it comes through, you put it back on the same pedestal. Fun. Actually, there is some excitement when you get robbed. I had 3 robberies in the first day. When you get robbed, you chase after the culprit (you can run much faster than they can) and you hit them once with your sword. They then fall over and you pick up the object they took from you and traipse back to your shop where you return it to its place on the pedestal. Then you go back to standing and waiting for people to come in and buy something. God it's dull. I'm sure there are more options that open up when you have more money, and the game gets a bit more exciting (at least I hope it does), but to get that far I'd have to play the game for another few hours, and there's no way I'm doing that. Sorry. And I thought Prehistorik was going to be my worst game of the year. Onwards!

Next up on the randometer is...Blind Justice! Never heard of it. Looks like a mid-'90s RPG, so worth a shot.

Wednesday, 2 May 2018

Intruding

Well, Flight of the Intruder was never going to get much of my attention. Half an hour over lunch is enough for me. It's just not my type of game, and it's one that no matter how much longer I spend with it, I know I'm still not going to enjoy it. It's loosely structured on the book of the same name (which I haven't read, or seen the film), but I don't think that gives it more than a theatre of war and some flavour for the missions. Otherwise, it feels like a pretty standard combat flight sim of the era. Of course, I'm no expert, so I could be completely wrong, but nothing jumped out and shouted PLAY ME. It was made by Rowan, who were experts in the genre, so I'm sure it was technically a great game, but...meh. I've got a cup of tea in front of me, and it doesn't resemble a flight sim at all.

Next up on the randometer is...Shoppe Keep! Looks like some kind of fantasy shop management game. Might be interesting.

Tuesday, 1 May 2018

Historik

Prehistorik was mercifully short, because it's a terrible, terrible game. I finished it in a couple of lunchtimes, leaping from platform to platform and bashing enemies on the way. I don't remember much of the old Prehistorik game, so I can't tell you how similar it was to this one (I just checked and I do have the original games, but I'm treating them as a separate entity...not sure if I should have done), but this one looks fine in the spit and polish department. The graphics are fine - a little rough around the edges, but fine - and the sound is fine (although bizarrely it's really loud and there's no volume control, only on or off), but where the game sinks to the absolute pits is the control. I don't know what it is with games like this, but too often modern platform games have terrible controls, and this is no exception. It's floaty and unresponsive, and you'll often feel that you died unfairly rather than because of your own mistakes. My guess would be that it's something to do with the animation cycles, but I'm sure they could have made it better. It just ruins the whole experience.

The basic premise of the game is that some giant geezer has stolen your village's food, so you have to try and get it back again. That means that you have to pick up a minimum amount of food on each level before you can exit it. To be honest, that was never a problem. I didn't once have to go out of my way to find more food than I did just walking the main path to the exit, so it was largely a pointless endeavour. I think you might unlock a bonus level if you pick up all of the food and all of the B-O-N-U-S letters in the level, but I never did that, so never saw a bonus level. When I completed the game, my fly companion (don't ask) became a superfly and said it would help me find secrets and hard to reach items, so I did the first level again thinking it would help me 100% it and open the bonus level, but it didn't seem to make any difference at all. Great. That may well be a contender for worst game of the year...let's hope so.

Next up on the randometer is...Flight of the Intruder! Another flight sim. Joy of joys. I can't have that many left, can I?